how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
