You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
