I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
