so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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