I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
