She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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