If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
