Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
