You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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