he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
do herpes really smell.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
