Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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