What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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