Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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