Banned from zoo.
Again?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
