I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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