My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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