she was so not down for the gang bang
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
