I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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