Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
