I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
