Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
