That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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