Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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