lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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