sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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