sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
