The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
