i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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