Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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