I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
