Cold hands, warm shart.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
