I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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