you traded sex for a burrito?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
