i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
