My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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