We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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