if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
3 2 1 whiskey
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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