are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
