And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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