so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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