Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
