Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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