I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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