no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
