Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
