I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
