you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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