So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
