hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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