I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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