so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
