do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
