THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
