How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
