are you still at the devil's house?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize