After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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