his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
