in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
