I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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