My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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