so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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