Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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