this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
