dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
