she woke up with a sticky ear
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i drank out of a bidet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
