she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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