Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
