Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
