I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
