the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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