It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am available for nakedness
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
