I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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