i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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