Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
