DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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