Slut skills are useful in every country.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
