I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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